Airline Pilot Job Interview
This pretty well sums it up................
I walked into the interview with a great deal of confidence and enthusiasm.
Flying airplanes was my one true passion in this life. This was my big chance
to merge my occupation with my love. I would become an airline pilot.
"So you want to be an airline pilot?" the interviewer inquired.
"Yes, sir, more than anything else I have ever wanted," I replied,
realizing I sounded like an anxious adolescent.
"Well, great, welcome aboard," the airline executive said.
"You mean I'm hired?!" I cheered.
"You bet, we're glad to have you. Actually, we've had trouble finding
good pilots to hire," the exec explained. If I was surprised, it was
overshadowed by my joy of reaching my dream.
"Let's just go over a few points before you sign on the dotted line," the
company man chortled. "We're going to send you to the world's most
renowned medical center. They'll spend two days probing your body orifices,
draining and analyzing your blood, and administering psychological exams.
They'll literally take you apart and put you back together. If they find any hint
of current or future problems, you're fired and can find your own ride
"Gee, I think my health is OK," I nervously choked out.
The manager went on, "Good, next we'll evaluate your flying skills in an
aircraft you've never been in before. "If we don't like the way you perform, you're fired,"
I was confident with my flying, but this guy was making me nervous.
He continued, "Next, if you're still here, we'll run you through our
training program. If during any time in the next 10 years you decide to
leave the company, you'll have to reimburse us $20,000, or we'll sue you. Also
if you fail to measure up during training, you're fired."
The man who had just given me my dream job listed still more hurdles.
"Each time, before we allow you near one of our multimillion dollar
aircraft we'll X-ray your flight bag and luggage, because we don't trust you.
Also we'll ask you to pass through a magnetometer each time. If you fail to do
so, you'll be arrested and jailed."
"When you've completed your flight, we'll have you provide a urine sample,
because we don't trust you to not take drugs. Very soon, we plan to take
a blood sample to look for more drugs. "Also if you ever fly with another
crew member who may have used drugs or alcohol, you must report to us
immediately. If you fail to notice that anyone has used these substances,
you'll be fired, have your license to fly revoked, and be fined $10,000."
"Every six months, we want you to go back to the medical center for
another exam. If they ever find a hint of a problem, your license to fly
will be revoked and we'll fire you. Anytime you see a medical person, you must
tell us about it so we can see if you need to be grounded and terminated.
Also, we need to examine your driving record, and you must tell us if you have
even any minor infractions so we can remove you from the cockpit as soon
"At any time, without notice, a special branch of the government will
send one of its inspectors to ride in your aircraft. The inspector will demand
to see your papers and license; if your papers are not in order, you'll
be removed, fined, terminated, and possibly jailed."
"If at any time you make an error in judgment or an honest human mistake,
you will be terminated, be fined tens of thousands of dollars, and be
dragged through months of court proceedings. The government will make
sure you never fly again for any airline."
"You will be well out of town most holidays, weekends, and family
events - half our pilots are always on the job at any point in time.
Smiling an evil smile now, the airline hirer went on. "Oh, and one last
thing to cover. Occasionally, we in management fail to see a trend and
screw up royally or the country's economy falls flat on its face. If as a
result of one of those events the corporation begins to lose money, you as an
employee will be expected to make up the losses from your paycheck. Of
course, management will not be held to the same standards.
Oh, and one last thing - if we negotiate pay and work rule concessions
from you in the in exchange for a better pension plan, we probably won't
fund that pension plan agreement (unlike the management pension plan and
golden parachutes) and will likely have yanked it away from you."
"Now sign here," he pointed, grinning as he handed me a pen.
I faked a sudden nosebleed. Holding my head back and pinching my nostrils, I hurried from
his office. When I got to the hall, I began to run. I ran all the way to my car. I figured if I hurried
I could still get to the county vocational school before 5:00 and enroll in the industrial
welding career program. !!